I tend to look at my life in terms of good and bad, or anxiety ridden or less than usual anxiety. I’m an Enneagram 1 and have been for many many years now. I know that not everyone has a voice in their head that is constantly criticizing themselves, but I know everyone has an inner voice saying something.
No matter your personality type, if we are not careful, we can mistake our inner voice for God’s voice. We sometimes take our personal thoughts and think they are God’s when they are not.
I don’t like change, I don’t like it whether I know it’s happening or not. My inner self says, “What if something bad happens? What if my circumstances are worse?”
A friend told me one time that, “You just want time to stop.” Yes, I do. I think that is a very accurate assessment of my feelings. I don’t ever want to go backwards in time, there are no “good old days” where I would rather live in. I also do not like the unknown of tomorrow, so time stopping would be my preference.
But no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop time. If I had a super power, I would stop time and I would be the only person that could move about. Everything would be frozen and I would just think about whatever problem I had, or do whatever work I needed to do or sleep for as long as I needed to. Then when ready, I would unfreeze time and allow things to progress until I needed another second to breathe.
I think I like the concept of eternity, because that implies there is an infinite amount of time to get things done. I think in Heaven we won’t be so rushed because we won’t be functioning on the constraints of only X amount of hours in the workweek and Y amount of vacation days. “How long do I have to think about this?” God would respond, “Literally, FOREVER.” Like the policeman in the movie The Sandlot when talking about locking up the Beast. Having all the time in the world sounds like heaven to me.
The reality of this life; however, is that things change. We get older, we change jobs, we lose contact with people and family, we experience loss and failure. Time is a fickle friend, if you consider it your friend. For some time is an enemy, or at least not friendly. The dying might not see time as something on their side. It seems then that time could be a commodity, because we all have different amounts of it. What is your time worth to you?
In Matthew 6, Jesus gives a sermon on this very thing. Although I never looked at it from this perspective. He talks about not storing your treasures on earth but in heaven, where it cannot be stolen or destroyed. He ends the passage saying, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21, NIV).
I would also word it as, “Where and what you you spend your time on, is where your heart will be also.” Time is a treasure, a blessing, something not to be waisted. We cannot control it, but we do know the one who is not confined by time’s dimensions.
“Where and what you you spend your time on, is where your heart will be also.”
Rephrased from Matthew 6:21
When the Bible talks about God not changing, I think it’s this idea of him being the creator of time. Change implies the involvement of time, but if God is the creator of time than he cannot change on an ontological level. His very existence outside of time means there is nothing to change. He has to be the same God at the beginning and the same God now and forever because it is impossible for the timeless to be bound by time and be impacted by change.
All this leads me to this season of life and season of change. I have to remind myself that the God who was walking with me a year ago when I was prepared for school to start is the same God today when I’m not ready for school to start. He is El Olam, the Eternal God. “But the Lord is the true God; he is the living God, the eternal King” (Jeremiah 10:10a, NIV).
My heart and feelings come and go as the seasons bring forth the afternoon rains. My heart deceives me, but my God whispers to me, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:26, NIV)
Heavenly Father, may we come to be at peace with this season of life we find ourselves in. Whether it be one of abundance or one of sorrow, remind us that you are the same God we have always known, believed and trusted. Even when we can’t hear you or feel you at times, remind us that faith is believing in-spite of the lack of evidence in the moment.
Sometimes we need to remember that you not speaking to us, still tells us something. We know to do the last thing you told us to do. For me, right now, in this moment, it is to get some rest, wake up tomorrow and embrace the newness of life that change brings.
To all my teacher and Admin friends, praying for you as the school year begins and to know God has entrusted us with His children.
In Truth & Love
Matthew J. Diaz
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